just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
