Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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