I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
