like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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