dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
