dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
