? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
