They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
