I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
