and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
