At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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