note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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