i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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