That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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