If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
