I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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