I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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