after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
