how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
