Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
