the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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