Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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