can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
