I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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