First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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