yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have aggressive nipples.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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