I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
