I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
