she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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