You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
