Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
