I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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