haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
