you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is wine microwaveable?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
