I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
