He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
