All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
