My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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