mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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