sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
