I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
