u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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