This is not my ceiling
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i believe in u and ur pee
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