I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
