So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just had sex bonerless
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
