I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
