How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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