My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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