Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
