I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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